Sunday, December 06, 2009

A call to Remember!

So it's almost Christmouse and I don't have a good hiding place because Jett has commandeered all the good closets. But does anyone really know how the tradition of hiding all night on Christmouse Eve started? This Christmouse, I think I am going to right a centuries old smudge on the history of holiday time. Oh sure, you think you know all about the reindeer games and poor Rudolfo (who was Latino). His story gets told every year in some sweet old song, but the tragedy of the reindeer blacklist is something nobody seems to talk about. Does anyone even remember the other blacklisted reindeer who didn't get to go back to work pulling that tub of lard in the goofy red suit? What about their pain? What about their ruined careers? They didn't even have unemployment. Think of these names on Christmouse Eve, when you're snoozing all comfy cozy in your bad, waiting for Old Saint Bernard Nick to bring you tings you don't want or need. Kvetchin and Schvitzen will be remembered this Holiday season, because I think it's important the truth finally be told. I will be taking out a full page in the NY Times, to introduce the great bovine Broadway star Caroline, the dancing spokescow for Gregory and Company, who herself was blacklisted. There were years when she went to every cattle call audition and couldn't get work, even as a hoofer in the chorus. She has a whole lot to moo about, especially since nobody seems to be mounting a new revival of Gypsy. People must remember that an aminal black list happened. Here comes Santa Claws, Here comes Santa Claws, right down Santa Claws lane. Did you know why he was coming down that lane? Santa was the Jerome Robbins of the North Pole. He named names. And he ruined the lives of countless aminals. That's why all animals honor the memory of Schvitzen and Kvetchin each Christmouse by finding a good hiding place.
Won't you join me in remembering the reindeer blacklist this holiday season by making a generous contribution to RAAD, the Reindeer Alliance Against Defication, in care of Gregory and Co.? A portion of proceeds will be donated to the Friends of the Faux Foundation, in memory of Figaro, who was the first great feline voice to speak out against injusice to aminals and dedicated his life to equality and Sybil Rights for all aminals, when he was not starring on Broadway or headlining in Las Vegas or hawking waffles.