Saturday, January 05, 2008

A New Year and a New Leaf

Catnip. It's getting to be a habit with me. Do you think I should look into it? I've never been a cat who anyone would think might have an addictive nature, but this stuff is AMAZING. Who knew? How did I stumble through six lives and attain this level of worldliness, talent and wisdom without having stumbled upon catnip before!? It's amazing stuff. You gotta try it. But I'm warning you, it can be habit forming. Ever since I had my first sniff, I've been doing nothing but playing and sleeping and eating. Even something as ordinary as a toilet paper roll can provide endless hours of amusement. And I just don't have the time. How does Britney Spears do it? You mean she doesn't do it? Maybe she should. I think somebody should give her a nice roll of toilet paper and lock her in a room someplace with nice padding on the walls where she can play and stay out of trouble.

Snce you last heard from me I've been a busy cat. World travels, speaking engagements, recording contract, Las Vegas. The Figaro Showroom in Cheeser's Palace is enormous. As I've said to my agent, Vegas has been desperate for a quality cat act ever since the Sigfried and Roy incident. My fans have been ravenous!! Always wanting more. I give so much, but I always leave them wanting more. They get so worked up with excitement during my show. On closing night, they kept throwing food at me. One fan even sent a fish wrapped in newspaper to my dressing room. I was genuinely touched.

As for my recording studio endeavors, making a new album is very hard work. I do it anyway, because I love you all. I know how starved the masses are for solid entertainment. Since I'm usually starved too, the new album is dedicated to breakfast, the most important meal of the day. Petula Clark begged me to do a re-write of her song "Downtown," with new lyrics. It turns out she is also fond of Fancy Feast and anchovies, so I write this for her:

When I wake up from a refreshing night’s sleep
I wake my Daddy and scream – BREAKFAST!
When I’m so hungry some fine food and fine service
Seems to help, I know – BREAKFAST!
Fancy Feast is fine but I prefer sardines in cream
Tuna and anchovies and swiss cheese would be a dream
How can I choose?

The bowl is much brighter there
I can forget all my troubles, forget all my cares
I scream BREAKFAST!. things'll be great after
BREAKFAST - no finer meal can be
BREAKFAST – waffles are waiting for me

Don't lounge in bed and let your problems surround you
There are anchovies - BREAKFAST
Maybe you know some little treat I can chew
like macaroni and cheese - BREAKFAST
Just open a can and serve it like Martina Navratilova
I’ll be waiting to be fed again before the day is over
Hungry again

The world is much brighter when
I can get up out of bed, forget all my cares and then
I eat BREAKFAST, where all the world’s a treat
BREAKFAST - waiting for me to eat
BREAKFAST - you're gonna feed me right now


Love,
Figaro

1 Comments:

OpenID orlith said...

Bravo, Figaro!!! Brilliant as always.

I can't wait for "Figaro, the breakfast album!" :)

Luv,
Uncle Trabis

11:17 PM  

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